been having some bad nights lately, since the solstice. existential angst, the intense realization that life is finite, and someday i'll go into the dark, forever. sort of a shadow satori. there's a zen intensity to it, savoring the moments because someday, inevitably, there'll be a last moment and pfft. no matter how hard you hold on, ten years or fifty years or a thousand years, someday the line drops to zero. no one beats entropy.
and it makes falling asleep hard, scary, a tiny rehearsal of the infinite black that swallows us all in the end.